Being El Bachelor

So it’s been a while, but have no fear, I’m back and blogging at full force! Last week, the new season of The Bachelor started, staring the self-proclaimed “El Bachelor”, Juan Pablo. So I’m here to break it down; discuss the meltdowns, heartbreak, and mostly the drama. So here we go, week 2.

The first girl to get a coveted one-on-one date was Clare. In typical Bachelor style, she’s super giddy about the date. But before they leave, Juan Pablo blindfolds her and then they zoom away. Side note: did anyone see the car? It’s such a downgrade from last season’s Bentley. Anyway, I swear Clare then said that she could be on her first date with her future husband. Okay Clare.

The one thing from the date that sticks out to me to me is what Clare said to Juan Pablo. Drum roll please… she said, “You taste like snow!” Umm WTF? Does she know that snow is water? Is she aware that what she said is so out there? Despite this, she still gets a rose.

Meanwhile at the house, Lucy, the “free spirit” is in the pool sans bikini top. Lucy, you are not going to go unnoticed if you walk around naked. And if you look at her Twitter page, she’s half naked in almost all of her pictures. Clearly, she has no issue with nudity.

The second one-on-one date card is for Kat. Kat and JP hop on a private jet. May I ask – is it really a season of The Bachelor if there isn’t at least one private jet? Kat thinks that the duo might be traveling to New York City, but that is not happening. Instead they end up in Salt Lake City, going an Electric Run race, dressed like teenagers going to a rage in search of ecstasy. But just like Clare, she gets a rose.

Now it’s time for the group date. One girl suspects that it is either a photo shoot, or an event where they will be “eating cheese”.  And as Lucy is talking to the camera, guess what she does? Congrats you’re right! She flashes the camera. She really belongs on a nudist colony.

The date consists of a photo shoot, so sorry to disappoint all those who were looking forward to seeing the girls each cheese. After it is announced that the date will be a photo shoot, JP brings out his creative direction. The creative director has a blue beard. Did he skin a Smurf then glue it to his face?

Then the girls are told they are going to be working with dogs. And now JP has lost all of the attention that was coming his way.

So the girls are given outfits for the photo shoot. Let me just say that Chelsie can rock an afro. But perhaps the most shocking costumes were Elise’s and Andi’s or rather their lack of costumes. That’s right, they are supposed to be naked. I’m sorry ABC, but you can’t just tell people to go naked. Both girls don’t feel right about stripping down for the camera. It was very America’s Next Top Model of them. Cue the speech from ANTM, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” But seriously, these girls are professionals. Elise is a 1st grade teacher. Why put her though this?

However Lucy saves the day, and switches costumes with Elise. So now Lucy will be in her natural element, and Elise gets to dress up as a fire hydrant. And to top it all off, Lucy exclaims, “I’m happy to take off my top as always” and walks down the street naked. Has she ever heard of indecent exposure?

Back at the photo shoot, JP and one girl wear cones of shame, and JP and another chick reenact The Lady and The Tramp complete with the Miniature Schnauzer.

When it’s time for the nude shoot, Andi is still freaking out, but JP tells her not to panic and that he will do it with her. So let’s be honest here, he just wants to see her naked. So Andi, JP, and Lucy take their pictures. I’m sure Camilla will be thrilled to see her dad like that one day when she looks him up online. But on a side note, I really like Andi. If she doesn’t win, she definitely will be in the running for being the next Bachelorette.

After the photo shoot is complete, the date continued at a pool, and Victoria completely lost in. The single mom decides to go into the bathroom to check on her, but Victoria remains stubborn. She runs to the producers, says she is going home, has a meltdown, then runs back to the bathroom, goes into a stall, and cries on the floor. JP then ventures into the bathroom and tries to talk to her, but she remains uncooperative.

In the midst of all the craziness, professional dog lover Kelly gets a rose. And to be totally honest, I missed this part. Must not have been paying attention.

Fast forward a few hours, and JP goes to the hotel room that Victoria spent the night in. She apologizes for her behavior, and JP accepts her apology, but he sends her home. He recognized that for his family, and his daughter, she was not a good fit. Adios Drunky!

Fast forward again, and JP spends time with the girls who didn’t get to go on a date this week, including Sharleen. I’m still not her number one fan, but she apologized for the way she acted in the last episode, and she softened her tough exterior tonight.

Finally, we reach the rose ceremony. This week we lost Chantel and Amy L. There were girls this week that got roses who I didn’t recognize. It is clear already that certain girls are going to get more airtime than others.

It looks like some drama is coming our way next week, so hang on there. See you next week Juan Pablo. Adios!

Juan Pablo and His Girls via ABC/Craig Sjodin

Juan Pablo and His Girls
via ABC/Craig Sjodin

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